Moss officially joins the Silver and Black

I think Randy Moss has just become my favorite player. I've never really had a favorite player (they're all equally delicious bent over in their form-fitting pants), but there's just something about him that perversely irresistible.

And now... he's joined the Raiders. Perfect!

Randy, Randy, Randy. You had the dumb, f**king luck to have landed with the one team that can appreciate you. Oakland snapped you up from Minnesota like a frog eats insects. The Vikings - the ungrateful, whiney b*tches who couldn't bear your moody outbursts and desire to be the sole center of attention at all times. And Daunte Culpepper has had soooo much PR to spin so he doesn't come across looking like a back-stabbing a**hole. And I (mockingly) quoteth:

"...'cause see, Randy is a great guy, well.. if you don't have to play football with him. Or Frisbee. Or Bingo. Or anything really. Or live with him. But really, he's a great guy...well, if you don't have to be in his presence for, you know, more than 5 or 6 minutes. Ok, maybe just 3. But he's a great guy. Oh...cough, ahem..., 'scuse me. I just threw up in my mouth a little. I'm ok now. Anyway, I'm sorry to see him go..."

And I couldn't resist pointing out to my sweetie that our polar opposite personality types even manifests itself in our favorite football teams.

He's a big, big, BIG Patriots fan. I'm pretty sure, if it were in his nature, he'd be "that guy", the one that paints his entire upper body in blue and white, then runs around topless screaming YAAAAAHHHHHH! in three degree weather. In reality, he's by the fire with a chai latte, decked out in his Patriots shirt/hat combo, and doing the occasional fist pump while blurting out Go Pats! But I'm totally convinced that in his head, he's "that guy". Totally.

I digress. The Patriots work hard. They don't sling their egos around, and absolutely don't talk smack about other teams, coaches or players. Ever. Tom Brady personally has the face of the cutest 12-year old kid in the world with his picture on a Wheaties box. The Patriots carry their accomplishments with humility, grace and tact. They're nice.

The Raiders, on the other hand, are dirty little weasels. That's why I love them. They talk smack like it's their only language. They don't just tackle for downs, they tackle for blood. And penalties?? F**k penalties. And I (not-so-much) mockingly quoteth:

(to ref) PERSONAL FOUL!!! I'll show you a mother-f**king personal foul.
<breaks leg of nearest opposing player>
Now THAT'S a f**king personal foul, mother-f**ker!!

Randy, you've finally come home. It’s going to be a fun season.