Taking a rant break

The kids got cell phones for their birthday (and I got an upgrade –woo!), but unfortunately it has taken me several days to get things together enough to actually be able to USE the phones. Mere chimps could get these phones working in a matter of hours, and I’ve taken TWO WHOLE DAYS. To my children, this is a clear indication that I, as a parent, suck. Hard.

It took me a total of two hours to activate three service lines and exchange my phone for a smaller phone. Two hours. Most of this was hold time and dealing with the automated “timewaster”. I hate having to punch in 16 pieces of info before being connected to a human who asks you for the EXACT same information. Just give me the human, fer chissakes!! I also hate dealing with customer service drones, because whatever I have to say goes through a English-to-Klingon translator before it gets to their ears, so that any response they give back to me is not going to be a) the answer to my question; or b) the solution to my problem.

Anyway, I called first about exchanging the phone. I explained to the rep that it was too large and wanted a different phone (specifically the Samsung E317). Her response? She says she needs to contact the warranty department. I find this curiously disturbing, but allow myself to be placed on hold for a significant length of time (so she could hold for a warranty rep).

Then, she gets back on the line and stated that the warranty people can only exchange the phone for the same model. I told her the phone wasn’t broken, and that I was told when I bought it that I could simply exchange the phone within 30-days for any reason. I just needed a smaller phone. She told me that I would need to call a different number, and for her to obtain it, required that I be put on hold for another significant length of time. I called the new number and within seconds the recording identifies it as the repair hotline. Sigh. There are simply too many stupid people on this planet for me to help. I hang up.

I find another toll-free sales number, get through another “timewaster” system and get a sales person who can actually get me into the phone I want. Whoopideedoo!!

The next thing I need to do is activate our phone lines. I call the toll-free number listed on the Cingular web site under the “activate my phone” link. After another trip through the “timewaster”, the rep tells me she can’t activate my phone because I’ve called the “blue” side (I assume this means the ATT Wireless service line vs. the Cingular service line), then she gives me another toll-free number to call.

I ask her why, under the active phone link on the Cingular web site, do they have posted the phone number to the completely wrong department. She said that she didn’t know. I asked her if she thought she should report the problem so it can get corrected and wouldn’t waste people’s time. She said they weren’t in charge of the web site and didn’t know what department to report it to. Sigh again. If I had not immediately thanked her and hung up the phone, you would have bore witness to my head popping clean off my shoulders.

I finally get though to the appropriate activation line, go though another “timewaster” and got to a rep, that once I gave her approximately six seventeen-digit numbers for EACH line I’m activating, she gets all three online. Finally. This left me approximately 45 minutes to do the four hours worth of work that I had to get done today. My kids have spent most of the evening calling their friends to let them know they have real live cell phones. How did I ever get along as a teenager without a cell phone and the Internet?