Tom Brady injured, out for season...

Rob has commissioned me to kill (KC Chiefs safety and beantown's newest most-hated) Bernard Pollard.

Just kidding. Rob just wants me to maim him. You know...hold him down, cut him a little, make him scream "I'm Brady's bitch!" over and over again until he wets himself crying.

Just kidding again. The reality is that I'm trying to figure out a way to keep Rob himself from jumping off the ledge. I'm short on ideas, other than going the ol' booze and hot sex route.

Personally, I don't think Brady getting injured is that bad.

Think about it. Brady finished last season with the most mind-blowing, epic loss EVAR. Frankly, the guy could use a season off. Brady probably doesn't think so, the Patriots probably don't think so, Rob certainly doesn't think so, but trust, I think this happened for a reason. Who wants to play every game this season with that one damn game mentioned before, during and after every win or loss? Brady will rehab the injury, distance himself from last season and be completely reenergized and refocused next season.

And as an added bonus, he gets Gisele "talk-about-mind-blowingly-epic" Bündchen as his nursemaid. Although, once he's mobile again, he'll be rehabbing his knee back in his off-season role as Gisele's pool boy slash errand boy.
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Update: Our friend Mitch reminded me that it might actually be FUN again to root for the Patriots in thier new underdog role now that no none will think Patriots have a shot at anything. I think he said some other stuff about the collapse of his Brady-led fantasy football team, but I was too busy fantasizing about being Gisele's pool boy.